A Somewhat Muddled Personal Post

I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I know I've been absent for quite some time--not only have I not been posting, I haven't even been reading and commenting on your blogs.

I started a new job at the end of August. I am now a full-time lecturer at a university. It's my first full-time job, and I'm essentially on "probation." I have a nine-month contract, and then the department decides whether or not they want to hire me permanently. Thus, I find myself taking on added responsibilities: on top of teaching, I am also volunteering on a few other projects. I also tend to go above and beyond when it comes to my teaching responsibilities--for example, today was supposed to be my day off and I spent about six hours commenting on second drafts for some of my struggling students who requested tutoring. Basically, I'm a sucker who can't say no when people ask for help or volunteers.

(I want to make it clear that I'm not complaining about being employed. I have insurance and on Tuesday, I get my first "grown-up" paycheck, so things are looking better for me than they have in awhile. It's just been overwhelming, exciting, and a little scary.)

I have not played TS3 since the end of August (gasp!). Part of the reason is because if I load up the game, I'll feel guilty--like I have to play Polly Bee and friends and write something. I've basically made up a weird obligation that the only thing I can do in TS3 is play my random legacy, but I just don't feel like playing it right now. I love writing this blog and participating in this challenge, but I don't feel like I have the energy to put into planning out stories and chapters. When I come home from work, a lot of times I just want to do mindless, boring things, and writing this blog is challenging and non-boring. I also haven't been keeping up with blogs simply because I read your blogs and enjoy them and think, "Man, I suck. Like, hard." I'm a bit of a workaholic, and I've started to treat this blog like it's work, which is dumb.

Anyway, this has all be a long, personal post filled with first-world problems. What I want to say is this:

1. I plan to catch up on your blogs soon, hopefully over the next week or so. I've been denying myself the pleasure of reading your blogs simply because I feel guilty about my own "failure."
2. I am not quitting this blog. I don't know if I'll ever finish the legacy (I gotta be honest: I might play the Sims 4 when it comes out), but I am not planning on quitting anytime soon. I swear, there will be some resolution between Polly and Crux! ;)
3. I don't know when I will write the next chapter. I want to at least finish Generation 1 before the end of the year.
4. I am a huge ball of stress right now, and I might alleviate that by treating myself to something from the Sims Store and playing the fuck out of it tonight.
5. I might make a more relaxed blog where I post dumb pictures and one-shot stories every once and awhile. I can't play the Sims without making up some sort of story in my head, but I don't neccessarily want to "play" the same story all the time.

Okay, I'm sorry again. I'm being very dramatic, I know, but I think I just needed to vent about some very silly things. Feel free to leave me any questions re: the blog or whatever, and I'll answer them.

Chapter 1.8: Colony Collapse Disorder

Crux breathes a sigh of relief--Polaris has safely teleported away. Now it's up to him to erase the transport log so the Commander cannot trace Polaris's destination. Of course, the first logical place to look is Lucky Palms, but the Hegemony does not always follow the most obvious path.

Chapter 1.7: Tempus Fugit

Winter melts into spring. Fireflies begin to congregate outside Polaris's house, reveling in the warmth of the spring nights. Their flashing feebly pierces the darkness, the bobbing lights of their nightly dance reminiscent of will-o-wisps. It's been quiet in Lucky Palms--no signs of alien life, other than Polaris and her brood.

Chapter 1.6: Changes

Crux chose well. Polaris is quite pleased with her new home, though she thinks that he must have spent longer than a few seconds choosing it. Something told her that Crux had been planning for this for awhile, because the unique and colorful house fits her personality all too well.

Four bedrooms, two and a half baths. Why would he pick such a large house, Polaris wonders. She's not complaining since her last house was a bit cramped, but she wonders if Crux knows something that she doesn't.

Chapter 1.5: Happy Hunting

Polaris's heart sinks. A tense silence smothers the room before the Commander speaks again.

"Really, Polaris. I expected that you would be happier to see me."

"I'm just embarrassed--if I knew you were coming, I would have put on a pot of tea for you," Polaris tries to hide behind false bravado, "now I look like a bad hostess."

"I must agree--you are hardly entertaining tonight," the Commander says, "though you did give Crux and I quite the show last night." His statement takes a moment to sink in.

"You saw..." Polaris mumbles, feeling sick.

"Yes," his reply is casual, "poor Crux was overcome by what I can only assume is repulsion, though I must say that I was impressed by your vigor."

"Enough!" Polaris snaps.

Chapter 1.4: Take a Chance

Weeks pass without incident. The summer days shorten, and the dry heat is replaced by icy dampness. Polaris has fallen into a comfortable routine: she finds gems, sells half to the local consignment store, and submits the other half to the Hegemony. Polaris continues filing her reports with Crux; her rewards are mechanical conversations with her purple overseer. There is no mention of Luke, or Eni, or the new gem cutting machine. Crux seems blissfully unaware of Polaris's adventures

Chapter 1.3: Que Sera Sera

Eni has given Polaris a lot to think about. She lies awake all night, mulling over the choices, stuck between certain personal disaster (Eni's plan) or certain planetary doom (the Commander's plan). Ultimately, she decides to take baby steps and visit the laundromat in the morning. Que sera sera, she muses, remembering a song from an old movie she watched once, whatever will be will be. Maybe the universe will give me a sign and tell me what to do.

Chapter 1.2: Cold War

A few days pass uneventfully while Polaris continues her ritual of collecting and sending samples back home. She doesn't take a break until a particularly humid and rainy morning--she decides that collecting would be hazardous in such weather. The humidity renders her home's evaporative cooling useless, causing her to shed her clothes in favor of lounging in her unmentionables and reading gothic novels. It's important to continue my studies on humans, she rationalizes.

Chapter 1.1: A Colony of One

Her eyes flutter open. The sky expands infinitely above and trees curve towards the center of her vision, obscuring the sun. It's Alcyone, her home. Rather, it's a dream of her home. She can tell because she dreams in black and white. She wishes she would dream in color--she misses the vibrant foliage of the Alcyonian forests. 

Prologue

A cool breeze blows through the barren desert. Despite the chilly air, the rocky ground is still warm with the lingering heat of the already set sun.  As the wind rustles the bushes, the musky smell of creosote fills the air. The landscape looks hellish--the dehydrated lake and anemic plants contribute to the atmosphere of death. The inky, endless horizon is dotted with twinkling lights, the only indication that there is indeed intelligent life.